From Infertility to Postpartum Rage: What Kayla's Story Taught Me About Survival

Before We Hit Record

I’ve had a lot of powerful conversations on For The Hayters, but something about this one hit different. Maybe it was the way Kayla’s voice cracked when she said she left the house for everyone’s safety. Or maybe it was because I was just weeks away from becoming a mom myself, and every word she said landed like a warning and a prayer all at once.

Before we hit record, I was thinking this episode would be mostly about IVF. I wasn’t ready for the heartbreak layered into her postpartum story. I wasn’t prepared to hear her describe suicidal thoughts just months after bringing home her second baby. And I definitely wasn’t prepared to hear how hard it was for her to say any of it out loud.

By the end of the conversation, I sat there feeling gutted, grateful, and heart-sick in the best way. This isn’t just a story about infertility or motherhood—it’s about what it takes to survive when everything you dreamed of becomes a battle you never expected.

Kayla Hackamen: A Story of Silent Pain

Kayla and her husband tried for years to get pregnant. She was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis, navigated years of failed treatments, and finally went through IVF. The meds. The injections. The timing. The emotional weight. She did it all.

After years of heartbreak, their son Rhett was born. He was healthy. Kayla was supposed to be happy. But soon after, everything unraveled.

Months later, Kayla found herself pregnant again—this time naturally, which felt like a miracle. But after her second son, Walker, was born prematurely and spent time in the NICU, something shifted. Kayla didn’t feel like herself. The exhaustion ran deeper. The rage was louder. The guilt was suffocating.

She started yelling. Snapping. Feeling like she could explode over the smallest things. And then one day, she got in her car, drove toward a busy intersection, and had the terrifying thought that she might not hit the brakes.

She did.

And then she got help.

3 Things I Learned About Postpartum Rage

1. It’s not just depression and anxietyPostpartum rage is real. It doesn’t always look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like screaming. Or silence. Or driving too fast toward a red light. And it’s more common than we think.

2. Survival isn’t just about loveKayla loved her babies. But love didn’t fix the chemical storm happening in her body. She needed therapy. She needed medication. And she needed someone to notice that she wasn’t okay.

3. Vulnerability saves livesWhen Kayla started talking about what she was going through, people listened. One internet friend sent her a therapist’s number and said, "You have ten minutes to call." That conversation may have saved her life.

Why This Story Matters

This episode reminded me why I started this podcast. Because there are moms out there smiling through stories that would break most people. There are women holding babies while feeling like they're drowning. There are families who worked so hard to create life, only to feel completely unprepared for what comes after.

We don't talk enough about postpartum rage. We don't talk enough about the grief that shows up after birth. We don’t talk about how isolating it feels when everyone expects you to be grateful.

But we should.

Because Kayla almost didn’t make it. And she’s not the only one.

If You’re Reading This and You’re Struggling

Please know that help is out there. Whether it’s calling your doctor, texting a friend, or messaging a stranger online—your life matters.

If you're in crisis, reach out to the Postpartum Support International Helpline at postpartum.net, or call the 988 Lifeline.

You don’t have to wait until it gets worse. You are not a bad mom. You are not broken. You are not alone.

Listen to Kayla’s Full Story

🎧 Listen to For The Hayters on Apple Podcasts or Spotify

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