From Survival Mode to Thriving: Navigating Domestic Abuse, Grief, and Blended Families

Resilience isn't something you're born with; it's something you forge in the fires of your hardest days.

We need to talk about the fact that "survival mode" can look like functioning perfectly on the outside while you are crumbling on the inside. We need to talk about how trauma waits until you are finally safe to rear its ugly head.

Teri’s story is heavy. It involves domestic violence, the devastating loss of her father and brothers, and a battle with postpartum depression that almost broke her. But it is also a story about a woman who refused to let her past dictate her future. It is about choosing yourself, even when you are terrified.

Growing Up Fast and Getting Out

Teri grew up on a small Indigenous reserve, the youngest of eight in a close-knit, hockey-loving family. She had dreams of playing hockey and going into dentistry, but life took a sharp left turn when she became pregnant at 18.

She went from being a teenager to a mother of two (a son and a daughter) in the blink of an eye. She had to put her dreams on hold to survive. And survival was complicated by a partner who turned from a teenage love into a nightmare.

Teri described the slow slide into abuse—first emotional, then physical. She told me about the cheating, the insults, and the gaslighting. But the moment that broke my heart was when she described the physical violence escalating while she was pregnant.

She shared a memory that is going to stick with me for a long time:

"All I remember... was seeing my son take his little sister, taking her under the table and pulling in the chairs. Because I don’t know if that was his source of protection... seeing his dad getting physical with me."

Her son was trying to protect his sister while his mother was being attacked. That is a trauma no child should carry, and no mother should have to witness.

Teri knew she had to get out, but leaving an abuser is never simple. It took a weekend trip away and a text message from him saying he "didn't have feelings for her anymore" for her to finally feel the relief of escape. She didn't fight for him; she packed her life into her Ford Taurus and drove toward a future that was solely hers.

Grief, Joy, and the unexpected Crash

If escaping abuse wasn't enough, Teri has walked through a valley of grief that most of us can't imagine.

In 2017, she was pregnant with her third child and planning her wedding to her now-husband, Ryan. But her father’s health was failing rapidly. In a heartbreaking race against time, they moved their wedding up.

"We decided to get married March 13th... two days later my dad passed away."

She navigated the joy of a wedding, the devastation of losing her dad, and the hormones of pregnancy all in the span of 48 hours. And the loss didn't stop there. She later lost two of her brothers—her best friends and confidants—leaving her to navigate life without the men who had shaped her world.

And then, the crash happened.

With her first two children, Teri was in survival mode. She had to work, she had to leave an abuser, she had to keep the lights on. She didn't have time to feel. But with her third baby, she was safe. She had a supportive husband. And paradoxically, that is when the Postpartum Depression (PPD) hit her the hardest.

She described feeling like a zombie. She described standing in the shower with a razor, dropping it, and just sobbing because the emotional pain was so loud she wanted physical pain to distract from it.

It was her husband, Ryan, who finally said, "I’m taking you to the doctor. This is not a negotiation."

3 Things I Learned About Healing in the Mess

Teri’s journey from a terrified teen mom to a woman pursuing her Master’s in Social Work taught me so much about the non-linear path of healing.

1. Trauma Waits Until You Are Safe

I was fascinated by the fact that Teri didn't experience severe PPD with her first two children when she was in an abusive relationship. She was too busy surviving. It wasn't until she was with Ryan—safe, supported, and loved—that her brain finally felt safe enough to collapse.

This is a huge reminder that if you are suddenly struggling with mental health after a chaotic period of your life has ended, you aren't broken. You are finally safe enough to process the pain.

2. Blended Families Are Hard Work (And That’s Okay)

We see so many "bonus mom" posts on Instagram that make blending families look like a Hallmark movie. Teri kept it real. She admitted that blending her family with Ryan’s wasn't seamless.

There were screaming matches. There were silent treatments. There were different parenting styles clashing. "It’s not what they all seem to be... There was a lot of work that was put into this family to where we were at today."

It taught me that a happy blended family isn't one that never fights; it's one that keeps communicating until they find common ground.

3. We Parent Differently in Different Seasons

Teri was open about the guilt she feels regarding how she parented her older kids versus her youngest. She was in survival mode with the older two; she is gentle parenting the youngest. Her older kids notice, and they call her out on it.

Instead of getting defensive, Teri apologizes. She acknowledges that she is a different woman now than she was at 18. That level of humility in parenting is a game-changer.

The Expert Take: The Courage to Be "In Progress"

What I love about Teri is that she doesn't claim to be "healed." She is healing.

She is in therapy. She reads books to escape when reality is too loud. She manages her son's hockey team because it makes her feel close to her late father. She is doing the work every single day.

We often think of resilience as bouncing back, but Teri shows us that resilience is actually just moving forward, even if you’re limping.

She told me her goal is to get her Master’s in Social Work so she can help others. After everything she has been through—the abuse, the loss, the depression—she wants to use her story to be a lifeline for someone else. That is the definition of turning pain into power.

You Are Worthy of Healing

If you are reading this and you are in a relationship that hurts, or if you are grieving a loss that feels impossible to survive, please listen to Teri’s advice: "Be patient with yourself... Take time for yourself to grieve, to feel those feelings."

You do not have to carry the world on your back. You are allowed to put it down. You are allowed to ask for help. And just like Teri, you are capable of building a life that is full of joy, even after the heartbreak.

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend. You never know who needs to hear that they aren't alone.

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