Navigating Grief While Becoming a Mother After Losing Your Mom

Before I sat down with Bailee, I already knew this conversation was going to be heavy. Any time someone talks about losing a parent young, my chest tightens a little. But what I wasn’t prepared for was how quietly devastating her story would be.

There was a moment when she described the phone ringing. Not dramatic. Not cinematic. Just a phone ringing because of an Apple Watch charging on a nightstand. That tiny detail wrecked me. Because grief so often enters our lives exactly like that. Not with warning. Not with closure. Just a sound. A sentence. A moment that divides your life into before and after.

As Bailee spoke, I kept thinking about how unfair it is to lose the person who made you feel safest right before you need them the most. And how navigating grief becomes even more complicated when life keeps moving forward anyway.

Bailee didn’t lose her mom and then slowly rebuild. She lost her mom and four months later found out she was pregnant. There is no roadmap for that.

Losing Her Mom Was Not Just Loss It Was the Loss of Home

Bailee was only 20 years old when her mom passed away unexpectedly in December 2018, just two days after Christmas.

Her mom had been sick and diagnosed with pneumonia. She went to urgent care, got inhalers, was put on medication, and sent home. Nothing that screamed emergency. Nothing that felt final. They spent Christmas together. Laughed. Ate. Did all the things families do when they believe they still have time.

Bailee spent the night with her mom on Christmas Eve. She noticed her mom waking up during the night to use her inhaler, but at the time, it didn’t feel alarming. She thought her mom was just sick. None of them knew that would be their last night together.

Two days later, Bailee’s sister in law went to drop off her niece. There was no answer at the door. Knocking turned to concern. Concern turned to panic. Her mom was found in bed, having passed quietly in her sleep sometime during the night or early that morning.

There was no goodbye. No explanation. No clear cause of death.

Just absence.

Bailee described waking up to chaos. Running upstairs. Hearing her boyfriend tell his mom that Bailee’s mom had died. Phones ringing. Brothers calling. Confusion everywhere. And the only words she could say were the truest ones.

Nobody loved us like mom did.

Because when you lose a parent like that, you don’t just lose a person. You lose your anchor. Your safe place. Your home.

Navigating Grief When Everyone Grieves Differently

Grief does not move through families evenly.

Bailee talked about watching her siblings struggle in their own ways. Some shut down. Some pushed forward. Some held it together because they felt like they had to. One of the hardest parts for her was watching them hurt. She felt their grief almost as deeply as her own.

They started calling it being mom strong. Showing strength the way their mom always had.

In the middle of all of this, Bailee met her sister for the first time. A sibling she had known about but never truly known. A relationship that only became possible because of loss. Grief has a way of rearranging families, sometimes bringing people closer in ways you never expected.

Four Months Later She Found Out She Was Pregnant

Four months after losing her mom, Bailee found out she was pregnant. She had just turned 21.

Grief and motherhood collided immediately.

She told me she knew how hard it was going to be the second she saw the positive test. All she wanted was to call her mom. To tell her. To ask questions. To hear reassurance. Instead, she felt guilt. Her mom had always worried about her getting pregnant young. It was something they talked about often.

What carried Bailee through that moment was the support of her son’s father and his family. They showed up immediately. Loved her immediately. Loved the baby immediately. She told me his mom became her mom in many ways.

That kind of support saved her.

Becoming a Parent Changes the Shape of Grief

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was hearing Bailee talk about how grief evolves once you become a parent.

She didn’t expect the questions. Watching her son grow brings constant wonder, and with it, constant grief. She finds herself asking things she never thought about before. Did I do that too. Was I like this. What would my mom say right now.

Grief doesn’t fade with time. It transforms. And when you are navigating grief while raising a child, it often hits hardest in moments of joy. Milestones. Birthdays. Quiet moments in the car. Joy and grief coexist whether we want them to or not.

How Her Mom Shaped the Way She Parents

Bailee’s mom was her best friend, but she was also her parent. She talked about how her mom never made her feel judged. Never made her feel small. Never made her feel like love was conditional.

Her mom was the person she could go to with anything. And now, as a parent herself, that is exactly the kind of relationship she wants to build with her son. She doesn’t want him to fear her reaction. She wants him to think, I need to call my mom because she will help me.

She tells her son she loves him constantly. Probably more than he needs. Probably enough to annoy him one day. But love was never withheld from her, so she refuses to withhold it from him.

That is how legacy works.

3 Things I Learned About Navigating Grief From Bailee

1. Grief can create anxious attachment

Bailee shared that losing her mom altered how she navigates relationships. She noticed anxious attachment patterns forming. Holding onto people longer than she should. Searching for the feeling of home she lost. Healing meant learning how to become home for herself.

2. Time does not heal everything but it softens the impact

Bailee was honest about how frustrating it is to hear that time helps. But it does. Not by erasing pain, but by dulling the sharpest edges. What helps most is knowing her mom loved her fully and that love never disappears.

3. Support does not have to come from where you expect

For Bailee, support came strongly from her partner’s family and from friends who showed up in small but meaningful ways. Support does not need to be perfect to matter.

The Bigger Picture Why Stories Like This Matter

This conversation reminded me why For The Hayters exists. Navigating grief is not linear. Motherhood does not erase loss. Anxiety after loss is real. Loving someone deeply means grieving them deeply.

Too many people feel broken for not healing fast enough. Too many parents feel guilty for grieving while raising children. Too many young adults feel alone in their loss because the world keeps moving even when theirs feels like it stopped.

Bailee’s story proves you can carry grief and still build a life. You can miss someone every day and still move forward. You can feel joy without betraying the people you loved.

Grief is not something to overcome. It is something to live with.

Carrying Love Forward

Bailee keeps her mom close in small but powerful ways. Christmas stockings. Traditions. Talking about her. Letting her son know who she was.

She does not pretend the pain is gone. She allows it to exist alongside love. And maybe that is the most honest way to navigate grief.

Not by fixing it. But by honoring it.

If This Story Resonated With You

If you are navigating grief. If you are grieving a parent. If you became a parent while grieving. If you feel anxious, lost, or changed — you are not broken.

You are human.

Bailee’s story is a reminder that grief does not disqualify you from joy. It simply makes love deeper.

🎧 Listen to For The Hayters on Apple Podcasts or Spotify

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