Since I last opened up about our IVF journey, I’ve been reflecting on the past week, the conversations it sparked, and how I’ve been feeling as we continue to navigate this winding road. One thing that keeps coming up for me is just how common IVF really is—yet so many of us go through it quietly, not fully realizing just how many others are walking this path right alongside us.
What really strikes me, though, is how difficult and inaccessible the whole process can be. It’s not just the emotional toll (which is massive), but the financial burden as well. The cost of IVF is astronomical, and the lack of insurance coverage makes it feel like this option is only for those with deep pockets or who are willing to go into significant debt. It’s heartbreaking because it shouldn’t be this hard to start a family.
After I posted last week’s blog, Leah and I had a discussion about it. She made a great point that I wish I had emphasized earlier—advice for other queer families who might not be ready right now but know that kids are in their future. Start now. Don’t wait until you’re ready to be pregnant. We began this process when we were ready to be parents yesterday, and here we are, eight months in, still working through the ups and downs with no clear end in sight. If we had started earlier, when we were just thinking about kids someday, maybe we’d be holding our baby by now, or at least be further along in the process.
It’s okay not to be ready, but if having a family is something you know you want, I can’t stress enough how important it is to start preparing now. Even if you’re not emotionally or mentally there yet, get the ball rolling so that when you are, the groundwork is already laid. This journey is long, hard, and often unpredictable, but starting early can take some of the pressure off when you finally do decide you’re ready to expand your family.
As for us, we’re still here, still hopeful, but also realistic. We’re taking it one step at a time, and while it’s not easy, it helps knowing we’re not alone in this. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that sharing our stories can make all the difference—for us and for others who might just be starting their journey.
So, if you’re thinking about it, or even just dreaming about it, my advice is simple: start now. You’ll thank yourself later.
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