Walking Myself Down the Aisle: How to Break the Cycle of Neglect & Motherless Grief

We talk a lot about "Daddy Issues" in pop culture, usually as a joke. But what happens when your father isn't just absent, but actively tells you to "get over" the death of your mother?

In this episode of For The Hayters, I sat down with Paige, a woman whose story broke my heart and put it back together again. Paige lost her mom to breast cancer when she was just 10 years old. Two weeks after blowing out her birthday candles, she was attending her mother’s funeral.

But the tragedy didn't stop there. Instead of stepping up, her father checked out. Paige spent her adolescence making mac and cheese in the microwave for dinner, navigating a cruel stepmother, and being told that her grief was an inconvenience.

If you have ever felt like an "afterthought" in your own family, or if you are currently navigating the guilt of going "No Contact" with a toxic parent, Paige’s story is the validation you need.

The Reality of the "Afterthought" Child

Paige described her childhood in one word: Lonely.

While her older siblings had more memories of their mom and were old enough to leave the house, Paige was left behind. Her father, unable to cope with his own reality, essentially left a 10-year-old to fend for herself.

There is a specific moment Paige shared that made my stomach turn. When she tried to talk to her dad about missing her mom, he told her:

"Other kids have it worse. Get over it. You have a roof over your head."

This is the definition of emotional neglect. It teaches a child that their feelings are a burden. It teaches them to be small, quiet, and self-sufficient to a fault.

For years, Paige believed him. She numbed her pain with alcohol in her late teens because, as she put it, "I was tired of feeling like crap." She had been told she would never amount to anything, so she stopped trying.

Until she met Mike.

3 Things I Learned About Breaking Generational Curses

Paige is now a mother of two boys, and she is living proof that you are not doomed to repeat your parents' mistakes. Here is what I learned from her journey:

1. The Wedding Aisle Power Move

This was the most powerful moment of the episode. When Paige got married, her father felt entitled to walk her down the aisle—not because he earned it, but because "he's her dad." Paige said No. Instead, she had her son and her nephew walk her. She chose the people who made her feel safe and loved. Her father’s reaction? He threatened to ruin the wedding. He sat in the memorial chair reserved for her deceased mother and "wrecked" the memorial display. His behavior proved exactly why he didn't deserve the honor of walking her.

2. The Fear of "Becoming Him"

Paige admitted that she is sometimes an over-protective mother. She constantly asks her kids if they are okay. She worries she is doing it wrong. But here is the truth: Bad parents don't worry about being bad parents. The fact that Paige is terrified of becoming her father is exactly what ensures she never will be. She is parenting with intention, pouring the love she didn't receive into her boys.

3. Chosen Family is Real Family

Paige found a "God Wink" (or a Mom Wink) when looking for daycare. She ended up with a provider who knew her uncle and her mom years ago—a woman who has stepped in as a grandmother figure to her boys. When your biological family fails you, the universe has a way of sending you "Chosen Family." You just have to be open to receiving it.

The Expert Take: You Don't Owe Them Access

The hardest part of Paige’s journey is her current reality: She is No Contact with her father.

This is a taboo topic. Society tells us, "But it's your dad! You only get one!"

However, Paige’s story highlights a crucial lesson in resilience: Access to you and your children is a privilege, not a right.

Her father is a man who cannot take accountability. He rewrites history. He makes himself the victim. If Paige allowed him access to her sons, she wouldn't just be exposing herself to his toxicity; she would be exposing the next generation to it.

By cutting him off, Paige isn't being cruel. She is being a Cycle Breaker. She is putting a hard stop on the neglect and manipulation so that it ends with her. Her sons will never know what it feels like to be told to "get over" their feelings. They will only know love.

To anyone listening who is holding onto a relationship out of guilt: You are allowed to choose your peace. You are allowed to walk yourself down the aisle.

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