When a Mother’s Intuition Is Treated Like a Crime: Confronting Medical Gaslighting

I knew this conversation was going to sit heavy with me before we even hit record.

There are episodes where I feel nervous because I don’t know where the story will go. And then there are episodes where I feel nervous because I do know. This was the second kind.

When I sat down with Nicole Perry, there was a moment early in the conversation that knocked the air out of my chest. She described being asked to step out of the room during her son’s biopsy prep… only to be told that if she was wrong about something being wrong with her child, she could be charged with Munchausen syndrome.

I had to pause.Because what do you even do with that?

This wasn’t just a story about a rare disease. This was a story about medical gaslighting, about how parents are dismissed, threatened, and silenced when they trust their instincts. And about how far a mother will go when no one else is listening.

Nicole’s Story and the Cost of Being Dismissed

Nicole is the mother of twins, one of whom, Benjamin, lives with Hirschsprung’s disease, a rare condition that affects the colon and the body’s ability to move stool through the intestines.

But like so many families navigating rare diagnoses, this didn’t start with answers. It started with confusion.

Emergency room visits. Hospital admissions.Tests that came back “fine.”Doctors saying it was gas. Constipation. Nothing to worry about.

And yet… Nicole knew.

She described looking at a photo of Benjamin on the beach at 18 months old. A tiny body. A distended stomach. Something that didn’t look or feel right. And that’s the thing about medical gaslighting—it doesn’t always show up as outright cruelty. Sometimes it shows up as calm dismissal. As reassurance that makes you feel dramatic for being concerned.

Nicole was 27. A mom of newborn twins. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Trying to trust professionals who repeatedly told her nothing was wrong.

Until someone finally looked closer.

When a family member in the medical field reviewed Benjamin’s X-rays, the response was immediate and alarming.“That is not what intestines should look like.”

Nicole pushed for a biopsy. And that’s when things took a turn that no parent should ever have to experience.

When Advocacy Becomes a Threat

Right before the biopsy, Nicole’s husband was asked to step out of the room. She knew something was off.

Moments later, he came back and asked her a question no parent ever expects to hear.

“How serious do you think this is?”

Then came the explanation.If the biopsy showed nothing was wrong, they could press charges against her for Munchausen syndrome.

Let that sink in.

A mother advocating for her child was being told that her concern could cost her custody. Her freedom. Her family.

This is medical gaslighting at its most dangerous. When systems meant to protect children instead intimidate the parents trying to save them.

Nicole didn’t back down.

She told her husband, plainly and firmly, that something was wrong with their child. He trusted her. They walked back into that room hand in hand and demanded the biopsy anyway.

Two days later, Nicole received a phone call while at the park with her kids.

“Can you get to the emergency room within the next hour?”

Benjamin had Hirschsprung’s disease. A condition that, left untreated, could have killed him.

Life After the Diagnosis

For many parents, a diagnosis brings relief. For Nicole, it brought urgency.

There wasn’t a roadmap. There wasn’t much information online at the time. What there was, she devoured. Facts became her lifeline.

Benjamin underwent emergency surgery, including an anal-rectal pull-through procedure. Parts of his intestines were removed. He lived with a colostomy bag as a toddler—something Nicole described as one of the most traumatic chapters of their lives.

Colostomy bags aren’t designed for two-year-olds who run, climb, and live loud. They pop. They leak. They fail at the worst moments. At one point, Benjamin’s small intestine began turning purple.

A nurse named Calypso noticed something was wrong when others didn’t. She fought for him. She saved his intestine.

And even at home, the trauma continued.

Nicole and her husband were taught to perform painful medical procedures on their child—irrigations and dilations—to keep his body functioning. Necessary. Life-saving. And emotionally devastating.

She said something during our conversation that I can’t shake.

“It felt like we were torturing him… even though we knew we were trying to save him.”

That’s the reality of parenting through medical trauma. There is no clean version of it.

3 Things I Learned About Medical Gaslighting

1. Dismissal can be just as dangerous as misdiagnosis

Being told “it’s probably nothing” delayed Benjamin’s diagnosis for nearly two years. Medical gaslighting often hides behind reassurance.

2. Advocacy often comes with consequences

Nicole wasn’t just ignored—she was threatened. Parents who push back are often labeled as difficult, dramatic, or unstable.

3. Trusting your gut can save a life

If Nicole had stayed quiet, Benjamin might not be here. Full stop.

What This Story Says About the System

This is where my “expert voice” kicks in—but not in a polished, academic way. In a real-world way.

Medical gaslighting disproportionately affects women, parents, and caregivers. Especially those advocating for children who can’t speak for themselves.

Nicole’s story is not rare. The diagnosis is. The experience is not.

This podcast exists because people like Nicole are told—over and over—that their lived experience doesn’t count. That credentials matter more than intuition. That silence is safer than speaking up.

And yet, every time I hear a story like this, I’m reminded of something important.

The system changes because people refuse to shut up.

Nicole didn’t just survive this. She turned it into purpose. She joined the Reach HD board. She helps families navigate this diagnosis. And her son Benjamin now serves as a Children’s Ambassador, reminding other kids that they aren’t alone.

That’s what resilience looks like here. Not perfection. Not strength without cracks. But continuing anyway.

If You’re Reading This and Feeling Seen

If you are a parent who’s been dismissed.If you’ve been told you’re overreacting.If you’ve left appointments doubting yourself instead of feeling supported.

Please hear this.

You are not crazy. You are not dramatic. You are not wrong for asking questions.

Medical gaslighting thrives when people stay quiet. Stories like Nicole’s matter because they give language to what so many families experience in isolation.

If this story moved you, I encourage you to listen to the full conversation.

🎧 Listen to For The Hayters on Apple Podcasts or Spotify

📺 Watch the full video episode on YouTube

💬 Share this post with a friend who needs to feel less alone

And if you know someone who needs this reminder—send it to them. Because no one should have to fight this hard just to be believed.

Your voice matters.