This week, I’ve been wrestling with two big things: trying to navigate different productivity schedules with Leah and coming down from a weekend where my emotions hit their biannual breaking point. Let’s dive into both because I know I’m not alone in either of these struggles.
Different Productivity Schedules and the Stress They Bring
Here’s the thing about being in a relationship: no one tells you how tricky it can be to sync up your energy levels and productivity bursts. Leah and I schedules just don’t match up. For example, she works shift work and I work your standard 9-5. So a random Thursday she could be on fire—cleaning, organizing, folding laundry. Meanwhile, I’ve worked all day Thursday, and by the time I walk out of my office, I’m tired. I want to collapse on the couch and pretend chores don’t exist.
And this is where the stress creeps in. I’ll be lying there, watching her fold clothes, and suddenly feel this weight of guilt pressing on me. I start thinking, Should I get up and help? But honestly, I’m not physically or mentally capable in that moment. I know Leah doesn’t expect me to jump in, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m letting her down.
On the flip side, weekends are my productivity day. I wake up energized (most of the time), cross things off my to-do list, and feel great about it. And Leah? She’s working on Saturdays. I don’t feel frustrated about that at all, cleaning and doing chores by myself. So, why am I so hard on myself when it’s my turn to rest and she’s the one being productive? I think it’s because I tie too much of my self-worth to what I contribute in the moment, rather than trusting the bigger picture. Relationships aren’t about keeping score. Leah and I are a team, and that means trusting that we each show up in our own way, on our own time.
This is something I’m actively working on—letting go of the guilt and allowing our different productivity rhythms to coexist without feeling like I’m failing. If you and your partner struggle with this, just know it’s okay to be out of sync. Grace goes a long way, and I’m learning to give it to myself.
When the Emotional Floodgates Open
Now, onto the harder stuff. This past weekend, I had one of my classic “twice-a-year breakdowns.” Do you ever have those? The kind where everything you’ve been keeping inside suddenly explodes out of you? For me, it starts with one little thought and spirals into a full-blown emotional storm.
This time, it started with friendships. I found myself asking questions like, If I stopped asking people to hang out, would they ever reach out? and Do my friends value me as much as I value them? It’s such a lonely, overwhelming feeling to sit in that space of doubt and insecurity.
From there, my mind went into overdrive. I questioned my worth, my relationships, even my place in people’s lives. It felt like I was carrying a hundred different “what ifs” on my back, and I didn’t know how to put them down.
Here’s what I’ve learned after going through this a few times: these thoughts feel real, but they aren’t the full truth. It’s easy to get stuck in the narrative that you’re not enough or that people don’t care about you. But the reality is, friendships look different for everyone. People show their love in ways that don’t always match your expectations, and that doesn’t make their care for you any less genuine.
That said, it’s okay to feel sad about it. This weekend, I let myself cry. I talked to Leah and my sister about it, which was really freeing. And while I didn’t magically feel 100% better, I did feel lighter. Sometimes, the act of acknowledging your emotions is the first step toward healing.
Moving Forward
If you’re going through something similar—whether it’s navigating mismatched productivity in your relationship or spiraling into self-doubt—I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s messy, but it’s human. I think the most important thing is to keep showing up, even when it’s hard, and to give yourself the grace you so freely give to others.
I’m still figuring this all out, but writing about it helps me process. Hopefully, reading this helps you feel a little less alone, too. Let me know—how do you handle mismatched schedules in your relationship? And how do you pull yourself out of those overwhelming emotional moments? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks for being here. We’ve got this. One messy moment at a time.
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